Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
