i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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