Just fell off a train. Bad.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
