There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize