Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
