did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
