The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
