i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
