just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
