I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
