I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
