the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
