Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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