playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
