You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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