How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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