In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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