I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My feet surprised me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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