how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
