You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
