Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
