If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
