Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Randomize
