Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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