hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize