You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
