the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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