Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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