Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
