Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
