i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
