He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
