Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
