I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
