She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
