ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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