Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
