I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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