Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
