it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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