im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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