DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
