I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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