got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
