Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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