who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
