I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
