There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
