True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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