You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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