I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
