My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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