you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize