We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize