I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize