i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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