This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
vagina is talking i cant
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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