I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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