i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I yelled at your uterus for you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
