Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
