She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
