what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
