if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
