I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
